A Mother's Utopia

Originally I thought I was going to get on here and vent about why my mother never picks up the phone to call and talk to me and how our relationship is still so strained.  But then I looked around my house and thought about how blessed I am.  Even with all of the trials I have been through this year, I come out stronger and wiser. I am sad that a year long relationship has come to an end, but we are better off as friends.  He is a wonderful man and was my first healthy relationship where there were no expectations and we didn't want to change each other.  I need to work more on my self love and having less expectations for myself.  We truly are our own worst enemies.   Both of my girls have their best friends over for a New Years sleepover.  My big boy took my little boy to see the Hobbit before he goes to hang out with his friends and in the morning all we are going to see the sun rise with a cup of hot chocolate! The New Year already has so mu...

I got on here tonight not sure what emotions and feelings were bubbling to the surface.  You see as a mother to four children and always having some sort of chaos and "things" to be busy with I have never done well with quiet or down time.  When my husband left a few years ago and then the divorce and shared custody of my younger two children came about I was forced into being alone and quiet time while my older two were with their father every other weekend.  I would literally pull away after dropping them off and sit at the stop sign in tears not knowing where to go or what to do. What was my purpose, who needed me, how was I going to deal with my fear of being alone and not being needed or wanted.  I soon found out how strong my stuffed issues and the voice of my inner child were and didn't know how to suppress them. I found that staying busy with girlfriends and their children helped me get the through the tough times.  I also kept busy at church or made sur...