A Mother's Utopia

Today I am Thankful for strength.  It seems like an odd thing to think of to be thankful for, but today that is what comes to mind.  I am Thankful that I have the strength to move on and move forward in my life even when I am dealt a tough hand.  I am Thankful for the strength God has given me to get through these tough situations and that I haven't given up on life like I have had the inclination to do in the past.  I have shown myself that I am a strong and courageous woman and I can handle so much more than I give myself credit for.  I have the strength and make the choice to wake up, and once I have had my coffee, put a smile on my face and be grateful I am here another day.  I am woman, hear me roar!

Is it possible to be at peace yet stressed?  That's how I feel...  I guess the peace part is that I am at peace with my choices but I am stressed with what lies ahead since making the choice.  I remember hearing something about the yin and yang of life and that life is learning to balance them out.  At times you will be more yang (Yang is fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, and aggressive; and is associated with fire, sky, the sun, masculinity and daytime) and other times you have more yin (Yin is characterized as slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet, and passive; and is associated with water, earth, the moon, femininity and nighttime).  I guess balance is the key to many things in life because we are never going to have the perfect stress free life.  There is always going to be something going on in your life that rocks the boat, but it is how you handle the rocking.  Do you sit calmly with your life vest on and ride it out o...

Today I am Thankful for the ability to forgive.  Many people just don't seem to have this ability or they find it very difficult to forgive those that have hurt or wronged them.  I know I have been hurt a lot and holding on to that hurt doesn't do me any good, it is actually unhealthy to hold on to it.  It seems to me that those people that forgive and move on tend to have more peace within them and I for one want to be at peace.  These days I try not to hold grudges and move on fairly quickly.  Can one forgive too quickly?  There are some issues from my childhood that I have held on to until just recently and learned to forgive and it has helped the relationship to grow and change into a healthy friendship.  If I could move on from that, then I can forgive, move on and transform my end of any relationship!  P.S.  I have to throw in a funny Thankful ~ I think many women out there are Thankful that they have a womens...

That's me up there, a space cadet...  I am floating around space not accomplishing much of anything.  Had my coffee, took my meds and I am still tired, no energy and no focus.  Houston, I need help landing! 

I found and old journal of mine from the middle of 2008 beginning of 2009, that was such a difficult and dark time for me.  I blogged during that time but ended up hurt and out of frustration and anger I deleted the account, I wish I hadn't because it is so amazing to be able to look back at the bad and good things.  I can look back in my journal and see who was there for me in my difficult times and be reminded of why those times were so hard.  I can also see what has changed in my life and the things I was struggling with that still to this day are struggles in my life.  I may be going through a lot in my life right now with my separation and the chaos of having four children and working two jobs but I see growth and progress in my life.  God puts us through tough times so we can learn, so we can look back and say "I made it", "Thank you Jesus, I made it".  So today, I say, Thank You Jesus, I made it through that and wit...

I started attending a new church, I have been twice and I LOVE it!  It is a small country church that doesn't have it's priorities on politics but on people!  They just went on a missions trip to help tornado victims last week and next weekend they are doing a barn raising for a family in the congregation.  How awesome is that, a barn raising!!!  The music is from the heart and not a big production and the message is relavant and actually touches me.  We are talking about "The Way of the Cross" Here are some samples of what I have taken from the messages so far: 1.  We can chose to do 3 things with the cross...  we can resent it, avoid it or we can carry it.  The Cross demands determination (Matthew 16:24)  Daily we need to choose to live for Christ, to stop and remember to pick up and carry the Cross. 2.  What is my destination, where am I headed?  Heaven is the destination, the cross is how we get there.  There ...

I am Thankful every morning when I wake up and realize the Lord has given me the gift of another day to improve on yesterday and hopefully be used to make someone else’s day a little bit brighter.

I really need to start writing things down when I think about them... because then when I sit down to think about them, the thoughts are gone... poof, I don't remember a thing!  It's 10:30 and I am usually asleep by now but for some reason I just can't wind down and go to sleep.  I hope I don't have a repeat of last Saturday night.  I went to bed around 1:30 and got up at 4:30, nothing specific on my mind just a mish mosh of things that are going on in my life.  Right now I am staring at the screen trying to think of one thing to focus on... I want to turn husband's office into a bedroom for my 15 year old.  He is at an age where he needs his privacy and the poor kid shares a room with a 6 year old who doesn't clean up anything and likes to get into everything.  I think it would be a great opportunity for him to prove to me he can be mature when it comes to his siblings and how he treats them and in return he can get his own room. I cleaned and rea...

This week I am Thankful for Life's Challenges, for helping me grow and become who I am today.  I have been through so much in the short time I have been around and going through all of those challenges, especially the hard core and devastating things, has made me the strong and compassionate woman I am today.

Here is a cause I LOVE and hold dear to my heart because 3 out of my 4 children were anxious to enter the world and just couldn't wait... Hannah was 1 month early, Arianna was only 1 week early and Justin was almost 2 months early.  Tyler at 9lbs 15 oz was 2 weeks late, I joke that if it were possible he would still be in there.  I will update this post with more information later. Click to walk with me!!!

Lately I am feeling a lack of inspiration.  I don't just want to blog when I am having a bad day or am upset about something.  I want to learn about myself and put myself out there for others to get to know me better.  So I am on a search to find some blog topics.  If I am lead to write something specific or am having a happy or hard time I will still share that, but at the same time I want to be challenged in my writing and gain insight into who I am.  Since high school I have been known as so-and-so's wife or so-and-so's mother, I want to be known as an individual person who does many things.  I also want to live my life so that when I pass on I leave a legacy of goodness and nothing but love and compassion.  I am off to search and pick random things to write about, wish me luck!

Today I have to say I am Thankful for the amazingly smart scientists/chemists and doctors and nurses that work so hard to make and prescribe medicine.  I know it sounds strange, but if I didn't have the medicine available to me that I take on a daily basis, I don't know what kind of person I would be or where I would be.  Untreated Bipolar can lead to a very dysfunctional and destructive lifestyle and untreated ADD can cause many problems at work due to lack of focus and attention to detail and menopause at 34, no thank you!  Because of my medicine and my determination I have a great job that I am able to keep, I have 4 children that I can raise and I have a life I am proud to live.  I am also thankful for the health insurance I have through my work because the medicines I take are expensive with insurance, I can't imagine them without it!  So THANK YOU to those of you in the medical field that work so hard everyday to help people like me to ...