A Mother's Utopia

Yesterday I attended my first writing class.  I have been wanting to attend for a while but free time is a limited commodity in my life.  The atmosphere of the class is warm, welcoming and safe.  The structure of the class is to greet everyone and go around to talk about what is happening in your world and to introduce yourself to any new people.  There is a prompt given which could be selected before the class ever started or it could come from the discussions of the group that may be more beneficial.  Once we receive the prompt we have 30-40 minutes to think and write what comes to mind.  After our writing time, we go around the group and those that want to share can.  It is amazing how one prompt manifests so many different ideas, stories and thoughts to be expressed.  We offer input as to how the other pieces resonated with us, how they made us see things in a different light, or how the style of writing or words used made us feel what th...

I feel like giving and trust work in tandem.   GIVING In some areas giving is easy for me, sometimes it is too easy.  I will give of my time, energy, strength, love (to those who are closest to me), determination and dedication to my workplace and commitments to others to my detriment and decline of health.  Giving of my finances is another story.  Money is tight and a negative bank account is a reoccurring factor the past couple of months.    TRUST That is a hard one.  Let down and disappointment one after another because I trusted people.  They were probably the wrong people to trust and I probably expected more than I should have.  Then again did I really expect more than I should have?  Lately, over the years, my thought process has been if I don't invest in GOD, people or myself I can't be let down.  I have been working on changing that thought process but it is not easy.  I am not going to live in f...

Well, what are you, I mean what AM I going to do about it???  Fuck if I know... In all seriousness, I know I need a game plan because I don't want to slip back into an oasis of darkness.  Been there, done that and honey I don't want to go back.  I was laying in bed last night and the wee hours of the morning and bright and early this morning, I haven't gotten much sleep since moving out of my 3rd husband's house and back to my hometown, but that's a post for another time, and I realized I am so short and snippy with my children.  I don't do it intentionally but I do it a lot, I was even that way with him (3rd husband).  Where did my patience, compassion, and ability to enjoy the moments go?  Should anyone find them, please send them back to me!  I don't want my children to remember me as their cranky, short-fused Momma but the woman who loved them unconditionally and would walk to the ends of the earth for them.  I most absolutely woul...

Perspective -  a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. It's been a while and after talking with my daughter I remembered this place... a place for my thoughts and feeling to be put someplace other than inside my head.  Sadly, I see that not much has changed.  I thought I had changed my perspective on life and how things happen to pertain to me and how I react to them, but alas they have not!  When does the cycle end, when does it stop.  When do the bouts of depression and sadness dissipate?  I have worked long and hard to become the woman I am, the mother I am, the friend and coworker/employee I am.  Yes, I have moved up in the workforce and yes I have found my voice to stand up for myself but why the continuing depression in my life?    I would love to say it ends here!  To take a stand and say NO MORE, but it is not that easy.  LIFE, LIFE is so unkind and trying.  I grab the small tr...

My go to song when things are just a little to tough and I remember I need to lay down my life.  It's human nature to want to take back control and want to do it all ourselves, but we can't, only he can.