The ability to concentrate has eluded me...

-
Today is one of those days where my mind is just wandering randomly and I can't focus on anything.  I took my meds and drank my coffee, but yet there is no drive or desire to accomplish anything.  It could be the fact that I had a hystorectomy 13 days ago and my body is trying to adjust to the lack of hormones but I just feel bla.  I actually feel sad, frustrated, lonely and overwhelmed.  My heart aches for something, but what?  I have my post op appointment today, and we are going to talk about hormone replacement therapy, but with endometreosis as bad as I have it, I have decided against it.  Today is also my first therapy session in over 3 months and I am excited yet nervous about it.  I want to go in and tell her what I have accomplished in the past week with my mother (which is HUGE), but I don't look forward to opening up and talking about the hurts and things that are not going well in my life.  I did learn from my last group of sessions that it is up to me to face my fears, that clamming up and refusing to participate in my own therapy is only hurting me.  I can't get better and become a better person if I don't deal with the pain in my life.  My therapy goal is to stop stuffing the things that bother and hurt me deep down and to speak up, to have confidence in MY feelings and MY choices.  I have a long road to travel before I become the person I want to be, but I am on my way!

Blessings,
Photobucket

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Nautilus

-
Image
I feel like giving and trust work in tandem.   GIVING In some areas giving is easy for me, sometimes it is too easy.  I will give of my time, energy, strength, love (to those who are closest to me), determination and dedication to my workplace and commitments to others to my detriment and decline of health.  Giving of my finances is another story.  Money is tight and a negative bank account is a reoccurring factor the past couple of months.    TRUST That is a hard one.  Let down and disappointment one after another because I trusted people.  They were probably the wrong people to trust and I probably expected more than I should have.  Then again did I really expect more than I should have?  Lately, over the years, my thought process has been if I don't invest in GOD, people or myself I can't be let down.  I have been working on changing that thought process but it is not easy.  I am not going to live in f...
Read more
-
Image
Inner Strength - your survival instinct...  I am so Thankful that I have inner strength, the drive and determination that comes out at that last possible second when you think you have nothing left in you. I am a pretty stubborn person and I won't "allow" things to come crashing down and take away my spirit, I just keep trucking on and on and on like the energizer bunny. Something gets in my way and I either plow right through it like a linebacker or I stuff it down inside and try to deal with it later.  I have to say with my current situation I have taken the bull by the horns and just done what needs to be done as far as getting a place of my own and taking on the bills etc, but the emotional side of it I have stuffed deep down inside of me and it keeps trying to rear it's ugly head the past couple of days.  I am sad about the separation and about how things have turned out, it breaks my heart.  But you go on, I have learned to let go of things.  I am in cont...
Read more