The Nautilus

I feel like giving and trust work in tandem.  

GIVING

In some areas giving is easy for me, sometimes it is too easy.  I will give of my time, energy, strength, love (to those who are closest to me), determination and dedication to my workplace and commitments to others to my detriment and decline of health.  Giving of my finances is another story.  Money is tight and a negative bank account is a reoccurring factor the past couple of months.   

TRUST

That is a hard one.  Let down and disappointment one after another because I trusted people.  They were probably the wrong people to trust and I probably expected more than I should have.  Then again did I really expect more than I should have?  Lately, over the years, my thought process has been if I don't invest in GOD, people or myself I can't be let down.  I have been working on changing that thought process but it is not easy.  I am not going to live in fear.  I have come such a long way over the years to slide back.

Lord, I am spent, my hope is shallow, my strength is waning, my heart is heavy.   Lord be a light, a shelter, and a safe haven so that I may feel and trust again.  So I can have the faith, strength, and courage to follow you and be an example to others just as my own daughter has been for me.  It is so easy to say those things and to ask you to work miracles in my life, but now I am saying them with expectation.  Not expectations of others but of YOU and what I know YOU can do TO ME, THROUGH ME and IN MY LIFE.

Last night was a rough night with my son and I prayed to GOD for answers and then I gave my son back to GOD because I realized that I have been raising him in my will and not GOD's and that I was failing.  I alone don't have the ability to work those miracles in my son's life but I know who does so I am placing things back in the hands of where they should be and not only in the area of my son and other children but in all aspects.  As a single mother, AGAIN, things are a strain financially and relationally but with GOD back in the center, I know through the trials and challenges we will rise.  We will move forward.  I took the first step this morning after knowing that I needed to take a step and show GOD that I trust him.  I knew I needed to tithe again.  I looked in my account and I didn't even have the 10% to do it so I gave what I had.  Yes, I had fear and reservations but in the end, I needed to trust.

I am learning to give to myself and learning to give to GOD again.  

The Nautilus is always moving forward... 

I am going to do the same.