So what are you going to do about it?
Well, what are you, I mean what AM I going to do about it??? Fuck if I know...
In all seriousness, I know I need a game plan because I don't want to slip back into an oasis of darkness. Been there, done that and honey I don't want to go back. I was laying in bed last night and the wee hours of the morning and bright and early this morning, I haven't gotten much sleep since moving out of my 3rd husband's house and back to my hometown, but that's a post for another time, and I realized I am so short and snippy with my children. I don't do it intentionally but I do it a lot, I was even that way with him (3rd husband). Where did my patience, compassion, and ability to enjoy the moments go? Should anyone find them, please send them back to me! I don't want my children to remember me as their cranky, short-fused Momma but the woman who loved them unconditionally and would walk to the ends of the earth for them. I most absolutely would and I do love them unconditionally because they have done some stupid shit, but we all have (3rd husband).
My oldest daughter has been such an inspiration to myself and my youngest daughter. I can only hope my youngest sone is watching and absorbing what is happening in her life. She has been back at church, co-leading a small young ladies group, attending young adults, attending church consistently and volunteering. In high school, she was the quiet one who didn't speak up but let me tell you she has found her voice and she has found strength in God and has this beautiful relationship with him. I long for what she has but my scorekeeping mindset says why did you let this or that happen, why am I sick and when will enough be enough God. I question him and why am I always "that friend" who is constantly going through shit. I swear the friends I have, that have stuck around in my life, are pretty amazing because I tell you, I would get tired of all the ups and downs. I mean hello, it's my life and I am so tired of it. For Christmas, my oldest got me a book titled, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY by Lysa Terkeurst and the title alone is the story of my life, (you should totally check it out!) and she got me Max Lucado's Traveling Light, releasing the burden you were never intended to bear. This daughter of mine knows my heart and soul, she knows my struggles and knows the healing that still needs to take place. Healing with the church, with people and with myself. I got myself a book for Christmas as well, The Life Letters Courage to Rise by Emma Grace. I have been following her on Instagram where she posts many of the quotes and letters that are in her book. So often it felt like those posts were speaking right into my soul, even when I didn' know where my life was headed but my soul and heart did. So I got a tattoo of the word Rise and three little birds. The three little birds are a reminder that, Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright, and you know what, it will be.
So my game plan? Practice being present, use my phone less for the Social Media that is on it and put that effort and energy into healing. I have amazing people in my life, I have great resources at my fingertips and a very long life ahead of me where I want to be the best version of myself.
In all seriousness, I know I need a game plan because I don't want to slip back into an oasis of darkness. Been there, done that and honey I don't want to go back. I was laying in bed last night and the wee hours of the morning and bright and early this morning, I haven't gotten much sleep since moving out of my 3rd husband's house and back to my hometown, but that's a post for another time, and I realized I am so short and snippy with my children. I don't do it intentionally but I do it a lot, I was even that way with him (3rd husband). Where did my patience, compassion, and ability to enjoy the moments go? Should anyone find them, please send them back to me! I don't want my children to remember me as their cranky, short-fused Momma but the woman who loved them unconditionally and would walk to the ends of the earth for them. I most absolutely would and I do love them unconditionally because they have done some stupid shit, but we all have (3rd husband).
My oldest daughter has been such an inspiration to myself and my youngest daughter. I can only hope my youngest sone is watching and absorbing what is happening in her life. She has been back at church, co-leading a small young ladies group, attending young adults, attending church consistently and volunteering. In high school, she was the quiet one who didn't speak up but let me tell you she has found her voice and she has found strength in God and has this beautiful relationship with him. I long for what she has but my scorekeeping mindset says why did you let this or that happen, why am I sick and when will enough be enough God. I question him and why am I always "that friend" who is constantly going through shit. I swear the friends I have, that have stuck around in my life, are pretty amazing because I tell you, I would get tired of all the ups and downs. I mean hello, it's my life and I am so tired of it. For Christmas, my oldest got me a book titled, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY by Lysa Terkeurst and the title alone is the story of my life, (you should totally check it out!) and she got me Max Lucado's Traveling Light, releasing the burden you were never intended to bear. This daughter of mine knows my heart and soul, she knows my struggles and knows the healing that still needs to take place. Healing with the church, with people and with myself. I got myself a book for Christmas as well, The Life Letters Courage to Rise by Emma Grace. I have been following her on Instagram where she posts many of the quotes and letters that are in her book. So often it felt like those posts were speaking right into my soul, even when I didn' know where my life was headed but my soul and heart did. So I got a tattoo of the word Rise and three little birds. The three little birds are a reminder that, Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright, and you know what, it will be.
So my game plan? Practice being present, use my phone less for the Social Media that is on it and put that effort and energy into healing. I have amazing people in my life, I have great resources at my fingertips and a very long life ahead of me where I want to be the best version of myself.
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